Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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