i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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