I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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