This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
