So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Me too!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
