At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
