Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
