if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
