I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
