i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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