i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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