we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
