This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
