he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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