Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
