so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
