I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
