I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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