I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
A+ Viking dick
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
