bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
