Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
