woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My dick has a subreddit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
