I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
