i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
