Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
