I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
