Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
