you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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