There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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