Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
