god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
