i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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