pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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