Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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