So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please come you make the beer taste better
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
