I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
