i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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