I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
