it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
