allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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