The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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