K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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