Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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