it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
