if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
