So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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