you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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