I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
