ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
