he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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