i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
