i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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