Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
