a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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