She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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