I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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