I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
