My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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