If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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