we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
