He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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