You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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