His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
