oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
