I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
