She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
