It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
