Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
