OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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