I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
