You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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