wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
