nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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