It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
