I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
