im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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