Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
